An Abandoned Playground

I’ve been considering recently why I started writing.  Mind you the process of writing for me has proven to be nothing short of a fool’s errand, and yet, each morning I wake up early, make coffee, light a candle and sit with my thoughts until they have nowhere else to go but through my fingers.  I don’t actually really know why or how I started to write, but as it were and continues to be, oftentimes it either resembles an annoying dripping faucet or an unstoppable deluge.  My writing generally mimics the way that I speak and lacks spontaneity, while I uphold a strict personal doctrine of maintaining a tight grasp on my words until I have, what I consider to be, something important to say. I often find myself listening and observing while mostly internalizing my opinions until they fester and need to be freed.  Maybe I find myself questioning my writing because of my unimpressive readership, or maybe it is because I have been struggling recently with finding something to talk about.  Which, on its face, sounds strange considering the fact that there is no shortage of current issues that are simultaneously vying for my undivided attention.

Nevertheless, I’ve been trying to figure out why my faucet has seemingly run dry while so much is happening in the world and have temporarily settled on a self-diagnosis that I must be suffering from a daily shock to my nervous system and probably PTSD.  Now.  PTSD is a common diagnosis which implies that someone is recovering from something traumatic that is no longer necessarily still a threat.  In my case, the ‘P’ does not stand for ‘Post’, rather it represents ‘Perpetual’ because the traumatic stress is seemingly never ending.  I turn on the news each day and watch only to find myself inevitably reaching for the medicine cabinet not knowing which of my symptoms I should treat first.  Either the Advil for the mind-numbing headache, the TUMS for the stabbing stomach pains, or the doctor-prescribed anxiety medication which is a last resort to get me out of my own head so that I can sleep and satisfy all of the aforementioned symptoms at once.

Like so many others, I’m tired of this merciless virus that arrived with a breathtaking, and everlasting, powerful punch.  I’m tired of blistering politics and polarizing perspectives that have permanently frayed what were once considered to be sound relationships.  Maybe it’s just because of the election and the current state of politics.  We have had a non-leader leader for four years too long, and just saying those words out loud is more than enough to throw opponents of that sentiment into a cataclysmic and uncontrollable tailspin.  My well-intentioned effort to withhold most of my personal opinions has unexpectedly backfired, because in doing so, I have done nothing more than give others the benefit of a larger platform to amplify their views than I have been willing to give myself.  I have, by and large, internalized my beliefs and have repeatedly bitten my tongue to salvage relationships.  And yet, others have been unwilling to reciprocate.  Winston Churchill said, “An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.”  Which isn’t necessarily how I see it, having gone out of my way to avoid the fallout that would undoubtedly accompany a crocodile feeding frenzy.  However, it does make me wonder if my silence has been construed as a concession, while putting aside my own views for the purpose of maintaining a semblance of peace.   We have been taught and teach our own children to treat others the way that we want to be treated.  But over time, that message appears to have fallen on deaf ears.  No one really does that anymore.  Today, people withhold nothing and could care less about the impact their words or actions have on their so-called friends.  There is a belief that saying whatever we want is our right and once the words leave our mouths, they are no longer our problem. We shift the blame from ourselves to any recipient by summarizing them as being too thin-skinned when their alleged fragile egos are under attack.  Maybe that is fair and maybe it isn’t.  I would argue that we have become proficient at not holding ourselves to the same standards and levels of accountability that we expect from others.  As we cherry pick and scrutinize their words while simultaneously excusing our own.

A combative election does nothing more than add fuel to an already uncontainable fire.  A tangible lack of civility and a profound sense that a sleeping giant has not only been stirred, but it has been awakened.  However, we have seen compelling evidence that the proverbial sleeping giant was never really asleep in the first place.  Perhaps there is a truth to the notion that the giant has been awake the whole time watching and waiting to make a move, gradually letting its presence be known.  Smoke signals and other warning signs have been erected to alert us of the inevitability of the danger before us, but over time, we have misunderstood and largely underestimated the terrain.  We have been given many opportunities to change course and improve our situation.  And in our quest to forge ahead inside our bubbles of perceived normalcy, we have either misread the warning signs as mere suggestions, or we were moving too quickly and somehow missed the signs altogether.  But we also know that this is complacency not very well disguised.  Winston Churchill said, “Want of foresight, unwillingness to act when action would be simple and effective, lack of clear thinking, confusion of counsel until the emergency comes, until self-preservation strikes its jarring gong – these are the features which constitute the endless repetition of history.”  Yes.  Historical events remain unhidden and are well-documented.  We can recall indelible moments from the past that shook humanity to its very core, and yet, rather than learn from those consequential, life-altering events, we go out of our way to repeat them.  I believe that is often referred to simply as insanity, but I digress.

Perhaps the overall loss of appetite for basic mutual understanding is quite possibly the reason why the sleeping giant decided to emerge from the dark shadows and into the light.  For obvious reasons, the metaphoric sleeping giant is illustrated as a single, oversized, and fantastical being that has remained mostly elusive in its covert operation of human destruction.  But as we have seen recently with the moving target that is the virus, the giant’s true intentions become more evident the longer it stays, allowing the strength of its impact to spread and expand its reach further.  And so are the aftereffects of an election filled with deeply-rooted conflict amidst societal divisions and unchecked polarization.    No longer in hiding, while boldly removing any ounce of doubt as to what it believes and what motivates it.   But.  To further twist this plot, the giant did not take into account that it has an equal, if not more audacious, counterpart who represents completely opposing beliefs.  The truth is that there are two powerful giants of equal strength who are now fully awake and alert, and seemingly everywhere. Winston Churchill said, “The truth is incontrovertible.  Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.”  And here we are, post-election, with two very despondent, yet angry, giants who are filled with contempt and a rage that becomes more challenging to suppress as time ticks on.

Seeing the forest for the trees is not possible when you cannot imagine what lies beyond the forest.  Winston Churchill put a finer point on that by saying, “It is always wise to look ahead, but difficult to look further than you can see.”  Then it is conceivable that we mostly see and hear what we want and generally refuse to allow ourselves the option of imagining what lies beyond our current, mostly superficial view. With this particular election, that should now be in everyone’s rearview mirror but is not, it has been made abundantly clear that in the absence of an ability to think rationally, the road towards unification is apparently going to be a very bumpy and treacherous ride.  How do we reconcile the will of all people when we are so evenly divided and oppositional?  How do we find those things that connect us when sight lines through the forest have been deliberately blurred, and we can no longer see each other even if we wanted to?  The truth is we can’t unless we have the courage to listen and accept differences.  Winston Churchill said, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

In the end, the sleeping giant is really just an idea personifying the larger than life issues that are much bigger than any one actual person.  And whether it is pretending to sleep or is just hiding in the shadows, its true purpose can be interpreted as either a catalyst towards positive change or an obstructionist who allows our worst impulses to reach the surface thereby thwarting societal progression.  Remembering that words are rarely empty and carry implications that are felt long after they are spoken.  Winston Churchill said, “We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.”  And that is a valid point to an extent.  Because when meaningful, and even emotional, conversations cease simply due to a difference of opinion, the silence is deafening.  There is a common misconception that agreeing and understanding those differences should somehow be interchangeable ideas.  In order to maintain peace and goodwill among those closest to us, we either feel an obligation to be agreeable, even when we disagree, or we choose to collect our toys and leave the sandbox altogether.  Today we might call that ‘unfriending’.  Besides the fact that it raises obvious questions about maturity, an abrupt and dramatic departure from unpleasant conversations is probably liberating in the short term.  However, the potential cost of that liberation is a profound loss of hope for the future.  And sadly, those who choose to pack up their toys and go home alone will be met with the harsh reality that they will leave behind an empty sandbox inside an abandoned playground.

DISCLAIMER:  All quotes were found on brainyquotes.com and are understood to be actual true statements and referenced for the sole purpose of illustrating a point.  Quotes have been bolded and italicized to provide a delineation from the author’s perspective.