Lance on the Left
I was on what I considered to be a roll. Based on my personal standards and my usual very routine and mostly calculated days, I was feeling pretty good about my writing. I had found a rhythm, was doing some research, writing with authenticity and truth. Then all of a sudden, with a single stroke, a complete stranger took a pin and popped my balloon. Why? Because I allegedly spelled the word ‘marinade’ incorrectly. In case you don’t know, and to save you time and future humiliation, let me tell you the difference as it was so arrogantly explained to me by my unsolicited grammar watchdog, who we will just call ‘Lance’.
Ok. So if you want to use the word ‘marinade’, spelled with a ‘d’, it is apparently very important for us all to know that it is a noun. You might not really care because I actually don’t either, but if, at any point, you decide to use that word, spelled that way, it might be better if you just replace it with the word ‘sauce’ instead. It’s a flavor sauce that is added to some kind of meat and, you know, it’s a noun. Now. This is where it gets really uninteresting and tedious. There is another spelling of the word that sounds uncannily similar, and that is ‘marinate’. Marinate, with a ‘t’, is a verb. Did you know that? You might be ‘marinating’ right now on how I can continue to discuss something so boring. In response to that, just trust that I would rather not discuss spelling or grammar at all. However, when there is a watchdog, like Lance, who feels compelled to school you on semantics for the sole purpose of embarrassing you, you can either look the other way, or you can provide a passive/aggressive response. I chose the latter which is by no means a win and definitely does not qualify as having taken the high road either.
In any event, there are these crazy tools that are available called a ‘Thesaurus’ and a ‘Dictionary’. I’m not sure if Lance has ever heard of them, but they are easily accessible with a simple web search. I consider myself to be a student of life which gives me the freedom to learn something new every day without the heavy burden of already believing that I know everything. With that said, I sought counsel from the Thesaurus, and it seems that Lance, along with his self-righteousness and extensive grammar knowledge, wasn’t exactly correct. Upon looking up the word ‘marinate’, you’ll never guess in a million years what one of the synonyms was. Marinade. Wait, what? Did I read that right? In truth, I am now acutely aware of a word that I don’t use often enough to have warranted all of this scrutiny and attention, but the other truth is that Lance gave me a gift. He generously provided me with the fuel that I needed to write about the arrogance that plagues our society.
We are in an election year and that is really what I wanted to write about next, but thanks to Lance and all of the arrogance that he represents, I have made the difficult decision to temporarily shift gears and discuss that instead. Lance is just another symptom of what we all know to be true and that is that arrogance is no longer even attempting to hide in plain sight. It is literally everywhere. People, known and even unknown to you, will attack you over anything. Even if your only crime is misspelling a word, apparently that is really egregious and requires immediate corrective measures to include humiliation as well as embarrassment.
So who is Lance anyway? Think of Lance as the male equivalent of Karen. Social media has been buzzing in recent months as we lash out at Karen, blaming her for our misfortunes and angry at her obvious predictions. We know that Karen is no one, and yet at the same time she is everyone. Karen is everyone’s imaginary friend who spends an inordinate amount of time being a scapegoat, because even though she is right, she is still annoying. Lance, on the other hand, is not made up at all. We are all familiar with a very famous Lance, a cyclist actually, who experienced a very public fall from grace due to his propensity for substance abuse and cheating. It was eventually revealed that much of his career was built on a blatant, and arrogant, lack of truth. He lied and cheated almost his entire path to victory, was found out and subsequently, and permanently, fell off his bike. That’s his story. He was stripped of his achievements, awards and titles because he earned them by being dishonest. Those are public facts about Lance Armstrong who is quoted as having said, “The riskiest thing you can do is get greedy.” Which is fascinating coming from someone whose own greed is what ultimately had the last word and is what now defines him.
Finding Lance Armstrong quotes that could be deemed relatable and inspirational by the majority of people proved to be challenging and ultimately a fruitless endeavor. Even after having written a book, he was never really quoted as ever having said anything very interesting or unselfish. Based on what we know, his dramatic fall was a direct result of his arrogance and greed. One thing he is quoted as having said, “Two things scare me. The first is getting hurt. But that’s not nearly as scary as the second, which is losing.” And there it is. Because to Lance Armstrong and others like him, losing was, and is, not an option. It doesn’t matter if you are talking about a bike race, a spelling contest or a difference of opinion on social media. When we will accept winning as our only option, we inevitably set ourselves up to lose.
But, like Karen, generally speaking, Lance has become more of a behavior, an attitude, and represents more than just a single person or name. While Karen is a pain in the ass who is repeatedly pointing out the obvious, Lance is a legend in his own mind and confident to a fault. Lance and Karen have become what can best be described as a culture in our society that is influenced by a general attitude that replaces ‘excuse me’ with ‘get the fuck out of my way’. What we know from that simple example is that it is not always the message itself that manages to seep into the skin, rather it is the tone and how the message is delivered that leaves a lasting mark. Coincidentally, I recently saw this illustrated by none other than cyclists whose names were probably not even Lance.
I’ve written before about some of my running adventures. I am a self-described runner based on my own non-competitive standards. It’s always been very simple for me. As a bit of a loner, I run recreationally because I like the fact that it is an individual sport similar to writing, and that just makes sense for those of us who enjoy our solitude. Like many runners who are creatures of habit, sometimes I need a slight variation from my normal routine, and want to remove the stress of worrying about being hit by a car and becoming a permanent hood ornament. On those rare occasions, I will have my husband join me on a trail run with the understanding that he is not allowed to talk to me. We ran on a heavily populated trail recently, and that is technically how Lance was born.
The usually relaxing and wide trail was packed with runners, walkers and bikers making this particular run more stressful than a heavily traveled road with cars going 55 mph. Immediately upon seeing the crowded trail, it became clear to me that this might not have been one of my better ideas. I found myself unusually distracted and feeling claustrophobic which provided this run with little-to-no enjoyment. The runners and walkers, for their part, were fully aware of the fact that they were not alone on the trail and needed to look up from time to time to avoid walking or running into someone. They weren’t the problem. The cyclists or ‘bikers’, on the other hand, with their matching biker costumes and cushioned seats, proved once again that sharing does not come naturally to them. For the bikers, the trail filled with people on foot seemingly turned into a game of “see-how-close-you-can-get-to-the-person-on-foot-without-hitting-it”. There were no signs or ringing bells, no shouts of ‘behind you’, ‘coming in hot’ or even ‘get the fuck out of my way’. I was witnessing in real time the severity of a bold disregard for fellow beings. My arch nemesis didn’t always have the name Lance. In the past, I just referred to people like that collectively as asshole. But on this particular trail run, where the bikers were such an exceptional group of assholes, my first thought was – as I was bobbing and weaving out of their way – there are a lot of Lance Armstrong’s on this trail today. My mind was spinning out of control. I struggled to resist the urge to start playing my own game of “knock-the-biker-off-his-bike”, but my husband wouldn’t let me. Instead the only thing that I could do under the strain of the circumstances was to start yelling ‘LANCE ON THE LEFT!’ every time I turned around only to see a careless biker leaning heavily into his handlebars while challenging those on foot to get in his way. My husband was entertained and willing to play that game so all was not lost.
It is easy to illustrate who Lance is because I have come in contact with replicas of his namesake a lot more often in recent years. It is sad to think that as a society this is the best that we can do. Because the truth is, if this example represents the majority of people that are produced in our country, then we are in big trouble. But it does beg the question of where we went wrong. Lance is a part of the problem, to be sure, because he is an overwhelming symptom of our society that, over time, has become morally contaminated. The real question is when our moral seal was broken and whether or not it is, at this point, beyond repair? Before the internet and the indisputable and irreparable damage that social media has caused, it was not as easy to respond to everything that we did not agree with. Even if we were like a boiling pot, we boiled over in private. Today, it is easy to publicly boil over and say our every thought to both friend and stranger alike. We no longer consider our words and their potential repercussions because we are on a fast track to nothing more than a self-righteous and disingenuous existence. Criticizing others while we hide behind screens is an act of cowardice, and far from a show of strength or authority. Social media has made it easy for us to rely on the written, rather than the spoken, word. We enjoy our First Amendment rights and the freedom to say what we want, when we want, often saying the things we wouldn’t dare say to someone in person.
In the end, here is what I know. Marinade with ‘d’ is a noun and marinate with a ‘t’ is, in fact, a verb. The real issue, for me, was never really about spelling at all, rather it was always about Grammar Watchdog Lance who stepped on his own message with his bold arrogance and righteousness. Which brings us to the age-old question: then who wins in these battles of wits among friend and foe? Because there always has to be a winner, right? But what actually constitutes a win these days? For all his bluster, Lance Armstrong, a devout winner, didn’t win. His career came to an abrupt halt by his own hand which can best be described as a self-inflicted character assassination. He is now the face of shame and the poster child for the profound and pervasive arrogance that implies that as long as you can continue to get away with something, you should still do it.
Cherry-picking has become a favorite pastime of those who find themselves emboldened behind their screen. It is best described as way of making a point by pulling out what best suits our narrative while conveniently leaving out what doesn’t. Maybe you think I’m cherry-picking Lance Armstrong quotes and only pointing out what best fits my narrative and the points I am trying to make. Maybe I am. But then again, maybe I’m not. Maybe Lance Armstrong quotes, in particular, are not interpretive and are certainly simple enough that they don’t require much explanation. It is not a crime to misspell a word and it is also not crime to quote someone in context. We wade in murky water when we attempt to dissuade others by cherry-picking for the purpose of creating a new and improved false narrative. And in doing so, we simultaneously compromise credibility and suspend reality.
When we whittle it all down, we can reach only one conclusion. It is actually Lance Armstrong who said, “Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.” That might be one of the only things he has said that I do agree with. Our only option is to keep trying to do better, and in order to do better, we can’t quit. Remembering that contrary to popular belief, the opposite of winning does not necessarily need to be considered a loss. And the lesson that Lance Armstrong taught us is that it is more respectable to lose honestly with your integrity still intact than to win by deceit.
DISCLAIMER: All quotes and references were found on Wikipedia and brainyquotes.com All quotes are understood to be actual true statements and referenced for the sole purpose of illustrating a point. Quotes have been bolded and italicized to appropriately provide a delineation from the author’s personal perspectives.
