What Would Mister Rogers Say?

This was written in July 2020 when the pandemic had taken hold and the world had shut down.  Something no one could have predicted, or had really ever considered as possible in our lifetime, had come to pass and genuine fears of survival for ourselves and our loved ones had surfaced.  Mister Rogers’ quotes will always be timely and offer comfort to those who are desperate for kindness and in need of a gentle voice of reason.  As Mister Rogers would say, “I thank you gratefully” for stopping by. -RM

“All of us, at some time or other, need help.  Whether we’re giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world.  That’s one of the things that connects us as neighbors – in our own way, each of us is a giver and a receiver.”

It happened.  I finally did it, and can report that I am completely gutted.  I watched something that I knew would leave an indelible mark on my heart, but I went ahead and did it anyway.  I’m not sure if it was boredom that drove me to it, but nevertheless, I found my way to the remote control and actually took control of it rather than allow myself to be persuaded to watch something of someone else’s choosing.  You might be asking yourself why I was so resistant to watch this film, and if you know me at all – which most of you don’t – and if you were a child or just alive in the latter part of the previous century – then you too might also find yourself profoundly impacted by watching it.

Anyway, the film that I saw was “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood” which, if you haven’t already figured it out, was about Mister Rogers.  I cannot recall in recent years being so moved by a film as I was by this one.  Maybe it is because I remember Mister Rogers growing up and felt a genuine connection to the content and feel-good memory.  Or maybe it was just something that I needed to see to remind me of what truly matters.  In those days, we would have never considered what happened behind-the-scenes of the show that we used to watch.  The viewers, who were mostly children, would not know that Mister Rogers was actually his real name, and that we were not really watching a performance.  We were a generation that experienced a gift that no other generation after us has, or likely will ever, see again.  And like most things of great value, we don’t realize it until we don’t have it anymore and it is gone forever.  Mister Rogers was a constant and reliable voice of reason who never let us down.  The shows were built around repetition and consistency which, as anyone who has children knows, is the foundation of practical teaching especially with children of the younger variety.

Watching this film was a very personal experience for me.  I watched in awe through a stream of constantly flowing tears, as it moved me beyond words.  Mister Rogers was the real deal.  He was the example that we all should have aspired to, but most didn’t.  The film about Mister Rogers was a reminder that as far as we have come, as a collective society, we still have such a long way to go.  I fear that Mister Rogers would be sad if he were alive today.  I imagine that he would be working tirelessly to try to make a difference.  I think that he would inevitably feel defeat, but in all likelihood, would just try harder to spread his message of kindness and positivity. 

It was probably no mistake that Mister Rogers focused on small children, although as we see in the film, he was deeply dialed in to people of all ages.  But his specialty, where he made the biggest difference, was inarguably with young children.  Why do you think that is?  He knew that if we wanted to make a difference in the world as a whole, we had to start small, in young children, teaching them the tools that they would need as they irreversibly grew up.  Talking to them on their level and in words that they would understand.  Giving their feelings validation while simultaneously providing productive ways to encourage positive solutions.  I have come to learn that he had a challenging childhood, as he was bullied and teased by his peers for being overweight which resulted in him becoming more introverted and introspective at a young age.  He had no siblings until he was eleven years old.  Eleven years is a long time to be alone, so he spent that time playing with his stuffed animals and puppets and the like allowing his creativity to be his companion which he carried with him for his entire life.

It could be said that although he overcame his shyness and while he was still the target of bullying and peer mistreatment, those were the years that shaped who he eventually became.  He quite literally practiced what he preached meaning simply he taught what he knew.  How many people can say that today?    I wonder what he would think of this new world of heartless innovation.  Where one’s success and worth are measured by the size of their bank account rather than the size of their heart.  Where the word ‘kind’ can only be reliably found in the Dictionary while being much harder to find in actual interactions with others whether it is in-person, virtually, or otherwise.  What would Mister Rogers say?  He would probably say something that he has been quoted as saying before, “There are three ways to ultimate success:  The first way is to be kind.  The second way is to be kind.  The third way is to be kind.”

There is no shortage of Mister Rogers quotes.  They are easy to find and as accessible as the nearest computer or device.  Quotes, or sentiments of any kind, are uncoincidentally timely. As they are called upon when the search for our own words comes up woefully short and someone else’s wisdom is desperately needed.  We scour the internet for the perfect quote to quickly encapsulate what must be our collective, general feelings, and then we share it before anyone else gets a chance to take credit for finding the quote first.  What we are really talking about is not personal at all.  There is very little personal connection on social media, although that idea flies completely in the face of its intent.  Generally, social media was designed to be a connector.   A virtual fuse bringing together people from both near and far.  The phenomenon is that it has catastrophically missed its mark.  We can argue about the merits of personal connections when we want to speak broadly.  But if we are willing to speak authentically, then we must be willing to accept the fact that social media has provided nothing more than psychological, emotional, and, in many cases, irreparable damage to individuals as well as their so-called relationships.  I’m pretty sure that was not part of Mister Rogers messaging, but I’m also sure that he would find a positive way to view this mess that has been made, which by the way, is not remotely close to including a single element of kindness.  Maybe he would repeat a previous quote like, “We get so wrapped up in numbers in our society.  The most important thing is that we are able to be one-on-one, you and I with each other at the moment.  If we can be present with the person that we happen to be with, that’s what’s important.”

Perhaps Mister Rogers was an unworldly man of his time.  Perhaps the mold could not be duplicated because he was here for the time that we needed him.  But.  I would argue that because that mold broke with him, we have no one on that scale today to help us guide our children.  As those who care enough to try to emulate his example remain mostly alone in a world that has literally become nothing but a stage.  Social media and reality television have given us nothing more than mediocre performances that do more harm than good as they influence and teach our children the wrong message.

What constitutes fame these days?  What makes a person a ‘celebrity’ which is seemingly best illustrated by their number of social media followers rather than their actual talent.  These people who become more famous for their performances off screen where they are perpetually in front of a non-stop rolling camera.  The world has become their permanent stage where they can say anything that sounds clever, while simultaneously becoming proficient with photoshop, in order to earn the hearty thumbs-up and smiling emojis from their fans and followers.  The idea of ‘celebrity’ has become nothing but a ruse as anyone will do or say anything to get 30 more seconds of fame.    As I sit and watch in wonder as the world becomes grossly disingenuous while providing nothing more than staged distractions from the things that truly matter.  Mister Rogers spoke with no ambiguity.  His message was so clear and yet over time, it has just been lost.  In these uncertain times, what would Mister Rogers say?  Maybe he would repeat another quote, “It’s not the honors and the prizes and the fancy outsides of life that ultimately nourish our souls.  It’s the knowing that we can be trusted, that we never have to fear the truth, that the bedrock of our very being is firm.”

As we continue to find ourselves in the midst of a global pandemic with little light at the end of this very long tunnel, it is hard to not consider what Mister Rogers would say to put us and our children at ease.  As many of us, for the most part, have been planted firmly in our homes, while our minds have been permitted to wander.  During this time, and as the doors have slowly been re-opening, the question of mask-wearing and social distancing continues to befuddle a significant portion of our population, allowing this virus to overstay what was already considered to be its unwelcome disruption to our normalcy.  Maybe Mister Rogers would refer to the masks as ‘helpers that are made of fabric’ in order to prevent the spread of the scary virus, and maybe he would call on parents to lead their children by example.   He might even talk about the fact that sometimes we do things we do not necessarily always understand; but we do it anyway because it is the right thing to do and because it has the potential to help someone else.  I imagine that he would gently remind us that wearing a mask is not a sign of weakness, rather, it is a sign of strength.  Maybe he would feel the need to repeat another poignant quote, “Real strength has to do with helping others.”

As I have taken some time in recent days to study Mister Rogers, I have been reminded of how humbly inspiring he truly was.  It has taken me decades, and a few children, to appreciate why his message was so far-reaching at the time and even today, why his quotes are summoned when we need to find a sense of calm.  He was not the loudest person in the room, and yet his messages still resonate and ring true as much today as they did during the time that he first said them. 

The age of eleven is significant for many reasons.  For Mister Rogers it was around the age when he probably entered middle school where he was bullied.  It was also the age when he first became someone’s brother.  For anyone the age of eleven is difficult.  It is when young bodies start to change.  When some children are reluctant to bid farewell to their childhood, while others are in more of a hurry to thrust themselves into the harsh realities of adulthood long before they are actually ready.    When they first learn that there is no direct navigational route towards self-acceptance let alone the acceptance of others.   Bullying is a pre-existing condition that is arguably worse now than it was then by and large due to social media with the lessons that are learned at home, or lack thereof, that are advertised in the behaviors of children.  It would seem that being different or unique is reason enough these days to solicit bullying.   But is it?  What would Mister Rogers say about the heightened levels of bullying which is a direct contrast to his life’s work in disseminating lessons in love and kindness and forgiveness?  Being someone who experienced unkindness at an extraordinarily vulnerable age, I would imagine that he would be keenly positioned to offer deep insight and perspective.  Maybe he would say again, “As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has – or ever will have – something inside that is unique to all time.  It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.”

We are all acutely aware, however, that uniqueness or just simply not fitting a particular mold, is not necessarily always revered.  We often spend our valuable time in a state of regression rather than intentional forward movement because turning around and going backwards affords us the comforts of familiarity.  As a society, we are in desperate need of someone like Mister Rogers.   Maintaining a grasp of difficult memories from a vulnerable time in his life gave his voice credibility.      He was able to peel away the emotional layers of what had to have been a bunch of sour grapes, and he was able to find the sweet spot.  He imparted his wisdom onto children encouraging individuality while instilling a strong sense of empathy.

In a notable interview that was conducted in 1985, Mister Rogers was asked what the biggest mistake parents make in raising their children. Without hesitation, he replied by saying, “Not to remember their own childhood.  I think the best thing we can do is to think about what it was like for us and know what our children are going through.”

This message resonated with me on a profound level.  I do remember that some of my childhood school experiences were not especially fulfilling, and I see some of my old memories reflected in the new experiences of my own children.   I am so grateful for these reminders.  Seeing Mister Rogers and reading more about him has been a special walk down memory lane that I will cherish.  Reflecting on his words has reminded me that it is okay to be different.   You know, it probably could have gone much differently for Mister Rogers.  But at the end of the day, he was who he was, because it is who he chose to be.

Some of us were fortunate enough to bear witness to his extraordinary depth of understanding and empathy that was and continues to be unmatched by any other.   He is the much-needed antidote and voice of reason to the untenable struggles that are unequivocally affecting our youth.  He would probably say again with the wish of reaching those who need to hear it, “You are a very special person. There is only one like you in the whole world. There’s never been anyone exactly like you before, and there will never be again. Only you. And people can like you exactly as you are.”

DISCLAIMER:  All quotes and references were found on Wikipedia, Goodreads and YouTube.  All quotes are understood to be actual true statements and referenced for the sole purpose of illustrating a point.  Mister Rogers quotes and statements have been bolded and italicized to appropriately provide a delineation from the author’s personal perspective.