“Thus Best Society is not a fellowship of the wealthy, nor does it seek to exclude those who are not of exalted birth; but it is an association of gentle-folk, of which good form in speech, charm of manner, knowledge of the social amenities, and instinctive consideration for the feelings of others, are credentials by which society the world over recognizes its chosen members.”   That is a quote by someone during a time when, it could be said, people probably wore white gloves while they sat with their elbows stiffly at their sides, careful to not let them travel and rest on the table.  In this particular time period that we are talking about, elbows on the table were considered to be a major foul that more than likely earned you one raised eyebrow, a clucking tongue and a disapproving side-to-side head shake.  Emily Post. She was a refined woman of her time whose calling card was etiquette and good manners of which she boldly imparted onto others.  Although it could be said that she was the epitome of what class and appropriate etiquette should look like in her time, I would imagine that she would be hard-pressed to find her audience in today’s world where those things are apparently less of a priority. It is no secret that as a country we are deeply divided.  Social classifications are seemingly defined yet indecipherable in many cases.  It could be fair to say that today Emily Post might find it challenging to gain traction in a society that has become abnormally comfortable in the crosshairs.  So does that mean that we just cross our fingers and abandon the notion of proper etiquette and niceties as we embark on our daily interactions? When did elbow-length white gloves only become appropriate for brides on their wedding day?   What actually happened to our society as a whole where we knowingly undervalue good manners and accept poor behaviors that last far longer than the memory of someone’s face? Like most things, the shift was really not all that subtle.  As we sift through the decades and try to find the trigger to the demise of socially acceptable behaviors.  We search for the time when maybe our raised eyebrow or pursed lips gave us away, while our spoken words were mostly controlled and polite.   Expectations and standards were obviously different in those years as women, in particular, were told in no uncertain terms what their paths would be and exactly how they needed to behave in order to achieve their short-sighted goals.  Historically, the focus of appropriate social behaviors has been predominantly directed at women, while the unscrupulous behaviors of men, by and large, has continued to remain fully intact and permissible.  But that is a conversation for another day. During a prolific time period that could be described as unrelatable for the vast majority of people both then and now.  It was extreme messaging that was mostly pretentious although it was culturally acceptable and considered to be normal.  The pristine examples of the social elite, who were more influential during their time in history, cannot simply be picked up and dropped into the middle of a culturally disconnected society, with or without a wagging finger.  The line was drawn in the sand decades ago.  By shifting the focus of acceptable behaviors from those in the ‘know’, popularly known as the ‘social elite’ – to what was described as an assist for ‘ordinary people’, could be viewed in retrospect as a swift, and not overly subtle, act of condescension. Those are just simple facts.  Today ‘ordinary people’ make up the majority of the population.  Mixed in with much smaller overall percentages are the ‘social elite’ who are commonly referred to as simply ‘entitled’.    That is not new, and we could easily find evidence of societal divisions in any century.  In other words, not much has changed if we view it through the hindsight of history.  What would Emily Post say today?  Maybe she would bypass the obvious and stick with something like, “Consideration for the rights and feelings of others is not merely a rule for behavior in public but the very foundation upon which social life is built.”  And who knows?  Maybe she would be right. The rules of entitlement are simple.  Rule Number 1:  there are no rules.  Entitlement is often merely just an attitude that is cultivated by inheritable influence as much as, if not more than, society.  Like a family recipe that has been passed down over generations, entitlement is often an inherited behavior. A common misconception is that it is fortune and wealth that determine entitled behaviors.  But if we do our math correctly, our calculations would conclude that it wouldn’t add up.  If 99% of the American population is ‘ordinary’, non-wealthy people, leaving 1% to the ‘social elite’ or those of significant financial means, then that can only lead us to believe that evidence supports the fact that entitlement does not actually always have to be about money. What is it about, then, if we remove wealth and prosperity as the pre-existing qualifier for entitlement?  As we watch some fly by the seat of their pants on the successes of someone else’s coattail meaning their presumptive success is fraudulent because they didn’t actually earn it themselves.  We want to believe that Emily Post had it right when she said, “Good manners reflect something from inside – an innate sense of consideration for others and respect for self.”  But we can’t help but wonder if that is just wishful thinking.  It is just not true that as a society ‘we live and let live’ or that the Golden Rule to’ treat others how you want to be treated’ is a behavior that has been commonly adopted.  Why is that?  It would seem that the stark divisions among the 99% majority are the source of the man-made chasm and social disconnect.  If that’s true, then entitlement is less about what …

This was written in July 2020 when the pandemic had taken hold and the world had shut down.  Something no one could have predicted, or had really ever considered as possible in our lifetime, had come to pass and genuine fears of survival for ourselves and our loved ones had surfaced.  Mister Rogers’ quotes will always be timely and offer comfort to those who are desperate for kindness and in need of a gentle voice of reason.  As Mister Rogers would say, “I thank you gratefully” for stopping by. -RM   “All of us, at some time or other, need help.  Whether we’re giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world.  That’s one of the things that connects us as neighbors – in our own way, each of us is a giver and a receiver.”   It happened.  I finally did it, and can report that I am completely gutted.  I watched something that I knew would leave an indelible mark on my heart, but I went ahead and did it anyway.  I’m not sure if it was boredom that drove me to it, but nevertheless, I found my way to the remote control and actually took control of it rather than allow myself to be persuaded to watch something of someone else’s choosing.  You might be asking yourself why I was so resistant to watch this film, and if you know me at all – which most of you don’t – and if you were a child or just alive in the latter part of the previous century – then you too might also find yourself profoundly impacted by watching it. Anyway, the film that I saw was “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood” which, if you haven’t already figured it out, was about Mister Rogers.  I cannot recall in recent years being so moved by a film as I was by this one.  Maybe it is because I remember Mister Rogers growing up and felt a genuine connection to the content and feel-good memory.  Or maybe it was just something that I needed to see to remind me of what truly matters.  In those days, we would have never considered what happened behind-the-scenes of the show that we used to watch.  The viewers, who were mostly children, would not know that Mister Rogers was actually his real name, and that we were not really watching a performance.  We were a generation that experienced a gift that no other generation after us has, or likely will ever, see again.  And like most things of great value, we don’t realize it until we don’t have it anymore and it is gone forever.  Mister Rogers was a constant and reliable voice of reason who never let us down.  The shows were built around repetition and consistency which, as anyone who has children knows, is the foundation of practical teaching especially with children of the younger variety. Watching this film was a very personal experience for me.  I watched in awe through a stream of constantly flowing tears, as it moved me beyond words.  Mister Rogers was the real deal.  He was the example that we all should have aspired to, but most didn’t.  The film about Mister Rogers was a reminder that as far as we have come, as a collective society, we still have such a long way to go.  I fear that Mister Rogers would be sad if he were alive today.  I imagine that he would be working tirelessly to try to make a difference.  I think that he would inevitably feel defeat, but in all likelihood, would just try harder to spread his message of kindness and positivity.  It was probably no mistake that Mister Rogers focused on small children, although as we see in the film, he was deeply dialed in to people of all ages.  But his specialty, where he made the biggest difference, was inarguably with young children.  Why do you think that is?  He knew that if we wanted to make a difference in the world as a whole, we had to start small, in young children, teaching them the tools that they would need as they irreversibly grew up.  Talking to them on their level and in words that they would understand.  Giving their feelings validation while simultaneously providing productive ways to encourage positive solutions.  I have come to learn that he had a challenging childhood, as he was bullied and teased by his peers for being overweight which resulted in him becoming more introverted and introspective at a young age.  He had no siblings until he was eleven years old.  Eleven years is a long time to be alone, so he spent that time playing with his stuffed animals and puppets and the like allowing his creativity to be his companion which he carried with him for his entire life. It could be said that although he overcame his shyness and while he was still the target of bullying and peer mistreatment, those were the years that shaped who he eventually became.  He quite literally practiced what he preached meaning simply he taught what he knew.  How many people can say that today?    I wonder what he would think of this new world of heartless innovation.  Where one’s success and worth are measured by the size of their bank account rather than the size of their heart.  Where the word ‘kind’ can only be reliably found in the Dictionary while being much harder to find in actual interactions with others whether it is in-person, virtually, or otherwise.  What would Mister Rogers say?  He would probably say something that he has been quoted as saying before, “There are three ways to ultimate success:  The first way is to be kind.  The second way is to be kind.  The third way is to be kind.”   There is no shortage of Mister Rogers quotes.  They are easy to find and as accessible as the …